Day 184

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHARLIE!! :) [One of my friends…of course…she’s probably been mentioned a fair few times…don’t worry Charl (if you ever read this) nothing bad at all ;)]

Sorry that my posts all look so boring, i’ve been in my dads office for a lot of it..don’t have my laptop camera…haha xD

I looked at the calendar where my dad had transfered dates over like birthdays and things which he does each time we get a new calendar..he puts the age of people next to them aswell…and well…as he knows i have a bit of a celeb obsession with one Orlando Bloom [tehe..come on..he’s lovely xD <3] his birthday is..tomorrow [friday the 13th…uh…] and my dad went and put (93) under his name…i was like “oh dad..you’re hilarious”. He came down and i told him i liked the estimated age he added on and he was like “…was i close?” haha!! 35 for those who are interested…xD

ANYWAY. I’m in a rather jolly mood, because i’m half an hour into my dad being over at HQ whilst i’m in his office like yesterday, and i feel SO much more comfortable than yesterday. Yesterday i was holding off panics for the whole time..eew. And..even though my dad has either..not text me to tell me which part of the building he is in..or my phone signal is awful..i’m finding that…i can force myself not to dwell on it..because it’s okay..and so am i….

Ah..speak of it..he just text me haha!!!

Some small successes of the day for me :D

• Basically surviving my lectures..i had a couple of off moments in them..but all turned out okay in the end :)
• Usually my dad and i leave Uni during my gaps between lectures..but it was only an hour today so we stayed and i had lunch with him and then i went back to my friends a bit earlier..so it was nice to experience that. To be fair, it’s not that…i don’t want to stay with my friends..because i would..it’s that i don’t want to just leave my dad sitting around, because if i leave and come with him, at least he can do what he wants and i feel less bad about making him wait, but today since we were staying anyway and there wasn’t long left :) It was all good!
• This isn’t anxiety related but..got some coursework back with a mark 55/60 woot woot! i thought it would have been much worse than that!!
• My dad said he was going to get the car and bring it round to meet me after my last lecture so we could leave quickly. Well we actually had a really quick lecture and i ended up leaving as he was telling me he was going to get it from the other side of campus. I thought i might just be able to meet him, but when i got there i sort of realised it would be a wasted effort to try and follow..as by the time i got to the car he’d be where i was waiting. I knew i could only wait and i said bye to Sam as she was going home, and i had this strange reminder of a huge panic attack i had last February, when my friends got picked up from a meal out and i was waiting alone for my dad..i knew he wouldn’t be long and thought i’d be okay, but it was one of those moments where people leave and you immediately regret it…i had to phone my friends who had just left and make them talk to me whilst i was waiting, luckily they told me they saw my dad driving so he was there quick…but i just had the same sort of…deja vu feeling, but despite that..i knew the situation was completely different and i could distract myself long enough. I was in Uni with lots of people, not at a bus stop a bit out of the way…before i could even get worried he appeared anyway so :) But i think in a way, feeling the improvement in my thought process was a success for me!!
• Also!! Had a strange moment in my last lecture where i was thinking and i became like..really aware of my heartbeat, which usually happens in a panic, so i sort of worried a bit then i was like “you only have 15 minutes left..you can just…not think about it..there’s no point in getting yourself worked up because you know it’s nothing…” and i actually managed to distract myself from it fairly easily..quite odd but..good :D
• Oh yes!! And later,goodness knows how long for but i’m going out to the pub again tonight for Charlie’s birthday!! I know it seems like it’s all i ever do..but of course the more you do it..the more confident you will get about it :) and it’s still a push for me, it’s still not easy..so yey :) this will be the…5th time i think since i started doing it again :) woop!!

Just some small things that i’m happy about today!! Haha!!

Woah honestly my stomach just made THE strangest noise….o.O Possibly hungry….haha!!

Farewell x